Authenticity

Karin and I went to 3rd service today. I've been to 2 or 3 of these. This was her first. She turned to me last night, and gave me one of those looks. You know the kind someone gives you and you know you're going to agree to whatever they say. All she wanted was to sleep in this morning and have breakfast with me. How do you say no to that? Why would you say no to that? Anyway, we had a great morning.

Steve was preaching about passions or ambitions, and chasing after the good ones. He preached about his passion to raise leaders from Matthew 4, 5, 10, 15, 16, 28, and 1 & 2 Timothy. It was a good sermon. (they usually are w/ Trike.) It wasn't really anything he said, however, that got me going. Rather, I had been thinking about something Karin said to me right before we walked into the sanctuary. That got me going on any number of issues I've been wrestling with lately. So, I started to pray. There have been plenty of times lately that I've felt very "religious" in prayer, not truly believing that God is going to answer, but that it was therapeutic in some way to vent. But, this time, I knew that God was listening. I knew that He cared. I prayed for God's wisdom and guidance for me and my family. I prayed for a renewed commitment to His Word. I prayed and prayed, and then it felt like I was beginning to uncover something ugly. I was unearthing my worst fear, that I was not an authentic person.

I have spent my entire remembered life an unauthentic person. (This is not one of those self-deprecating blogs, I promise.) I have tried and tried to please, or be something I wasn't so people like Dan Ferrar, and Billy Johnson would like me. We all do it to some extent, seek approval of those we see as "cool" or "hip" or "whatever". (This is one of those, "If I could know then what I know now..." moments where I have a better idea of what I was losing to try and gain something that could never satisfy.) Anyway... I gave my life to Christ just over 3 years ago, (woo, woo!) I remember being freed from the burdens I had carried for 30+ years of trying to be someone or something I'm not. I was through with that crap! Or so I thought. It hit me tonight that I may not be who I think I am.

I am now a young guy who is passionately seeking to follow Christ, and wants to pastor a church. I started to think about what that meant, to "passionately" follow Christ. I realized that I don't always "do" what a passionate follower would "do" and I started to feel like crap. Here I am trying to mentor and disciple fellas, and am I not who I say I am? I know what the Bible says about false teachers. Thanks, but no thanks! I want to be authentic.

God is good. God is a loving, graceful God. I know that my faith in Him is authentic. I may not spend the time in His Word that I should. There may be times when I am not believing my prayers will be answered. That doesn't make my faith less authentic. It makes me a doorknob, not unauthentic. It means I am believing lies instead of truth. It means I am placing my hope in things of this world, not in Him who made me.

Psalm 62 tells me that God is my rock and my salvation. My soul can and does find rest in Him alone. If you happen to be the one person who reads this, and you happen to see me, ask me if I'm being authentic, please? I appreciate it... Just know that I may ask you the same thing.

New Years...

First off - Happy new year to everyone. I pray that your hearts are more open this year than ever before to who God is, and the wonders of His love. God is so infinitely spectacular, and my pea-sized brain is blown away when I try to fathom His greatness.

Every new year brings new hopes and dreams. We all think of what has happened over the past year and consider the possibilities of the year ahead. Often times we think about how we're going to exercise more, eat better, or watch less TV. And, often times by week 3 or 4 of the new year we're either laughing or feeling badly about how we couldn't make those commitments last. For me, this year brings 2 challenges. One is the condition of my body. I have gotten into such a rut of eating unhealthy foods coupled with a great lack of any physical activity. I swore just after Christmas that I was going to do something (for real this time) about this. Well, I'm not even one week into the year and I've already gone through my "Medium Sized" bag of Peanut Butter M&M's. (by "Medium Sized" they mean 5 lb bag... fyi...) And, I haven't exercised once. Praise God for Brian Cherney. (For many reasons, but) He has agreed to kick my butt if I don't start doing something about this. The other challenge for me is a bigger deal. I need everyone's help with this one. My walk with Jesus has been very "blah" for the last few months. I still believe that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I'm still humbled to think that God loves me so much and is so rich in mercy that He sent His son to pay a price that I couldn't, in order that I could once again come before Him. Are you kidding me? That's almost unbelievable! Praise God it isn't, right? Think about it...

The past couple of months have been some of the best of my life. I married the woman of my dreams. Karin is truly a gift! God is so present and at work in this woman. She is going to blossom into one of the truly great ones. I guarantee it. We moved into our new, beautiful home in a very diverse neighborhood where I know God is going to use us to bring His light to our wonderful neighbors. We got a puppy. His name is Samson. He is great! There is so much to be joyful about. And I am. In fact, I've spent much of the last few months thinking what a great job I've done creating this wonderful world. When people ask me about LDI, I get excited to talk about the classes I'm taking and teaching, and the mentoring I've been a part of. All great things, right??? The problem has been I don't talk about how much closer I feel to God. How I feel I am working toward sanctification in my daily walk. Even worse, I know I'm not trusting God right now.

As I'm writing this, I desperately want (more than anything) to move closer and closer to God every single day. I've been in this rut of entitlement for a while now. I hate it. I hate sin. I rest in the fact that God is more than enough and that God is bigger than sin and can get me through this place in my life. Pray for me, please. So many of you have been huge supporters/encouragers of me for so long. I'm humbled... and so grateful! Thank you! Pray that I would seek God first for joy and fulfillment. Pray that I would be a godly husband to Karin. That I would walk strongly with her, gracefully challenging her to place her trust in Christ alone!

God is so good! This new year does bring great hope. God's word tells us that everyday we're a new creation. There is no greater hope than that. There is no greater hope than the hope we have in an eternity with Jesus!

Happy New Year!

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Going to the chapel....

As most of you know by now, Karin and I are getting married. PRAISE GOD! Praise God for all of His amazing blessings! What I ever did to deserve this one, is beyond me, though. She has been such a model of grace and patience for the last 3 1/2 years. She is a HUGE reason I came to know Christ as my savior! PRAISE GOD for Karin! Karin - I love you so much, Babe!!! So, this means we'll now have 3 Karin/Karen Farringtons in our family. Weird...

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot over the last 6 months about what the Bible has to say about marriage, and keep coming back to what Paul wrote to the church in Ephasis; "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body." Eph 5:25-30

What a daunting, but exciting responsibility. "Here you go... be like Christ!" What??? How am I supposed to love her like Christ did? How am I supposed to do anything as perfectly or purely as Christ did? Oh yeah (I often forget...) I have Christ living in me! Who doesn't like the challenge, or as I like to think of it; privilege, to live like their hero? I remember when I was a kid trying to hit a home run like Hank Aaron or Larry Hisle or George Foster. Or pretending that there was 3 seconds on the clock and I am Larry Bird making the game winning shot. Well, I'm getting to do something even greater (I think) and am saying to myself, "I'm heading down the home stretch. I GET to love Karin like Christ loved the church." Only instead of just watching Larry Bird on TV, I get Christ's playbook on how He did what He did! And if (when) I screw up, I know that I get another chance. Not that I want to screw up, but I know myself, and know how often I miss that 3 pointer.

Happy Good Friday!

I love Good Friday!  Like Pastor Steve says, this is his Christmas.  Like a kid gets excited for Christmas, I get excited for Good Friday, 'cuz I know that Sunday's coming, and Jesus won!  I hear people say things like, "If your God is going to send me to hell because (of this or that) then I don't want to believe in your God."  Or, "My uncle volunteers 4 times a week, works in an orphanage, and is the kindest person in the world.  If he's not going to heaven because he doesn't believe in your God, then I don't want to go to your heaven either."  I want to say to them that we all are going to hell, because we all have sinned against a holy (pure) God, and the price for that sin is death.  It's only because of today and Sunday that we have a chance at heaven.  

I pray that you feel the weight of your sin today.  I pray that you realize that you've screwed up (too many times to count) and that you don't deserve to come before a holy God.  And I pray that you thank Jesus everyday for paying the only price possible, for being the victim of the greatest sin of all time in order that you and I don't have to carry the weight of our sin any longer, but can look forward to eternity in heaven.  

Happy Good Friday and Easter!  Praise God!

Recent Fast...

I spent the last 12 days fasting from food.  It was a sun-up to sun-up fast; I could eat a breakfast before 9 am, then no food after that the rest of the day.  I could drink water, soup broth, or drink pure fruit juice.  That was it.  People asked me why, and I had several reasons.  The first reason was that it was an assignment for class.  I probably wouldn’t have been fasting at this time if it weren’t an assignment.  I also like to tell them that it’s a willing sacrifice on my part to increase my dependence in God, and to see Him as provider of all I need, and increase my thankfulness toward Him for that!  I met a couple friends at Key’s café in Lauderdale.  I ordered soup and asked for as much broth as possible.  The server looked at me funny, and asked why.  I explained like I did above, and she looked with a curious face, and said, “That’s gross!”  We all chuckled a bit, and I appreciated her response.  It made me think of the disciplines that we read about in Whitney’s book, and I believe that her response was perfect for the world I live in today.  I know that these disciplines that I aspire to are not considered necessary, appealing, or desirable to today’s culture.  I also know that if I continue to strive to build these disciplines in my life that I will instinctively be growing closer and closer to Christ. 

The first couple days of my fast, I felt great.  I struggled with hunger everyday, but these first couple of days, I quickly and automatically turned to God each time I felt hunger coming on.  This instinctive turning to God gave me a great sense of peace, and encouragement that I was going to be just fine.  I also recognized that my prayers for breakfast were so much more heartfelt, and I had a truer appreciation for the food that was before me.  By day 3, I began to encounter some, what I like to call funky health concerns.  My digestive system was reacting in ways it shouldn’t normally act.  In spite of this, I was really feeling encouraged by what was happening.  I knew that God was walking this path with me.  I knew without a doubt that I could turn to Him for comfort and relief from the temptations I was battling.  I could also see an increasing sense of my dependence on God as provider. 

Just about everyday someone would ask if I wanted to grab something to eat, or if I wanted to share in a lunch, or some other offering of food.  In an effort to always be humble, I would graciously decline and explain that I was fasting.  I even went so far as to explain how hard it was at times to be fasting, but that I was really drawing closer to God with each passing day.  By day 10 or so, I was really convicted by my response.  I read Matthew 6:16-18 where Jesus teaches about fasting.  He says, “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men that they are fasting.  I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.  But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who see what is done in secret, will reward you.”  I was convicted by these words and reminded of the numerous times over the previous 9 days when I had told others of my fasting, and even of how hard it had been.  Over the next couple of days I heard from a couple of friends how impressed they were by my fasting and that they wanted to fast.  I began to think about what I was doing, and how proud I was of what I was going through.  And, by day 12, I was so discouraged that my focus had become what a good thing I was doing and not was a great God I serve.  I wasn’t thinking about how ALL things are from God, but how I could talk about my experience (that I was still in the midst of) with others.  It was at this point that I decided my intentions were more about me, and less about God.  I stopped. 

It’s been 2 days now since I stopped.  I am excited to fast again.  I am blessed to serve a God who is merciful and infinitely full of grace in correcting this sinner.  He has taken what was a humbling experience, and filled me with an excitement to fast again.  I see now how by taking away what had become a huge part of my life, I recognized how big God is to fill or provide all my needs.  I really take a lot of things for granted.  My body shape reflects just how much I had begun to take food for granted!  J  I would turn to food in all circumstances as a filler of needs.  I am so thankful that God was gentle with me in teaching me that food isn’t going to fill my need.  God alone is my rock and my salvation (Ps 62:2a). 

I am encouraged that God has chosen me to do His work.  I see this in many areas of my life these days.  I am humbled when I think about this.  This “guy” who created the universe and everything in it, is going to use me to do His work!  Oh my gosh…  I am encouraged that God has spoken to these two friends through my fasting.  I would encourage them to find a verse that helps them focus on God alone as their rock and salvation.  I would pray that they wouldn’t take their experiences and make it about them, but that it would always be about God.

There were many benefits to my fasting.  I lost 12 pounds.  Sweet!  I have started to eat breakfast everyday.  That’s a good thing!  I don’t crave sweets nearly as much as I did 2 weeks ago.  Hooray, fruit!  Most of all, I have found myself renewed in prayer with God.  I have found myself instinctively turning to Him for strength and comfort throughout the day.  PRAISE GOD!!!

Beating Sin... really???

Bill Perkins (in his book When Good Men Are Tempted) talks about the 3 ways to surely fail in your attempt to win the battle against sin, particularly, lust.  He talks about overpowering, reforming and starving your sin (lust.)  This idea of making your own plan to overcome sin is empty or void of hope.  I have tricked myself into thinking that I could beat a certain sin by “willing” it, or by discipline.  I have failed every time.  Sometimes I’ve been able to hold out for a little longer than other times.  But, in the end I’ve always failed.  The problem here isn’t just that I’ve sinned again, but now I’ve sinned and have an increasing amount of guilt because I couldn’t hold up my end of the bargain.  Perkins talks about how these plans fail us in that we’re not leaning on God; we’re trying to fight these battles on our own.  We also fail when we fall into a deep feeling of guilt for turning back to sin.  In my own experiences, this has led to 2 paths, one where I just try not to care about the sin anymore, or where I try not to care about the guilt.  Neither one is any good.  I like what Perkins has to say when he says, “…giving up the fight in your own strength is the first step to victory.”  This seems pretty obvious, but seldom realized, or put into action.  Like anything, if we take it to God first, let Him lead the way, we’re going to find ourselves better equipped to handle the battles we’ll have with sin along the way.  This includes turning to God when we do sin.  This, in turn means that we’re turning away from sin.  I remember my mom telling me to “lean on God” when I was tempted to do something that wasn’t honoring to God.  She said that when she feels temptation in her life, she “leans” on God by saying, “I can’t do this on my own here, God.  I need you to take this one for me.”  I don’t know if this works every time for her, or not.  I know that it hasn’t worked every time for me.  I do know, however, that it has worked a lot more than when I tried to muscle my own sin.  As tough as I am (and I am pretty tough…) that Satan guy might be a little tougher.  Fortunately for me, as tough as Satan is, that God guy is way tougher.  As long as I put God on my side, I like my chances…

I see other Christians, especially guys, who go down this path Perkins describes.  They start talking about what a miserable person they are, or how helpless they are.  But that’s where they stop.  They fail to realize that they can put Jesus on their side, and let Him whoop sin’s a$$.  It’s hard for me when I hear them crying out to the masses how hard their life is, or how miserable we all are, or how hopeless life seems.  I can’t help but think, “Yeah. Your life does sound pretty miserable.”  I need to work on my attitude toward these people.  My initial desire is to just avoid them.  I do, however, pray that they will see the hope that Jesus brought for all of us.  Perkins says in chapter 9, “Grab the grace of God.”  I love that.  I just want to shake ‘em and tell them to grab hold of that grace as though your life depends on you never letting go… er wait, it does.  Doesn’t it?

I would love to hear from you... please share your thoughts, struggles, victories, whatever!  Thanks!

Preparing to work for God

Henry & Richard Blackaby write in their book, Spiritual Leadership (in chapter 2) that leadership is about “being”, not “doing.”  I love that!  I want to “do” that kind of leadership.  He also says that God doesn’t stop us from making mistakes, but rather waits until we do and stands ready to redeem us.  I see these two teachings as awesome bars to reach for as a “young” leader. 

First, the idea of being a leader…  Pastor Cor and I have talked about this before and I routinely see this in him.  I see him not only jumping in and doing the crap with the rest of us, but doing with a joyful heart (at least on the outside.)  One of my former students, Ryan, used to say to me, “listen, doo (I think this was his way of saying, “dude.”  He would just take the “de” off the end of the word…) don’t just talk about it, be about it.”  I have always loved that saying.  I think it says to everyone around exactly where your heart is.  Anyone can talk, most people can even perform a little to create an illusion of heart, but few leaders actually live what they preach.  When it does happen, man is it inspiring!  Those are the people I want to chase after.  Nobody was a better, Godlier leader than Jesus.  And, while I don’t always chase after Him, when I pause long enough to get out of my own way, I love returning my eyes to Him.  

Second, the idea of letting people stumble may not seem right, or may be hard to do or watch.  I remember a time when I was working through a math problem.  I remember my teacher stood above me, watching my every move.  I would look up once-in-a-while, trying to read his face to see if I was on the right track.  I would finish.  He would smile.  I couldn’t wait to turn my work, have him correct and turn it back to I could feel like the smartest man alive.  I got my paper back, and the problem he watched was wrong!  Why didn’t he correct me?  Why did he let me continue when he KNEW that I was doing something wrong?  It took a while, but I finally learned that lesson when I became the teacher, and it’s an idea that I’ve learned to use across settings.  The idea is that if I correct everything people are doing as soon as they are doing it, they’ll never learn two valuable lessons.  One, they’ll never learn that there are consequences.  And, two, they’ll never learn how to solve the problem.  They will only learn how to solve individual steps in the problem.  I’ve used this in soccer.  God does the same thing with us.  He let’s us fall so we learn to solve the problem, and to learn what the consequences will be if we make mistakes.  But, we get a bonus.  We also get to see God’s love and glory when He redeems us.  To be an effective spiritual leader, we NEED to follow God’s example on this one!  (well, everyone, but I really like this one!)

PLEASE share your thoughts... I would love to hear what you think makes a good leader!